I MUST BE EITHER CORNY AS HELL OR MADLY IN LOVE...

Cause I am scrolling through pictures of my girlfriend and I on my iPod nano-chromatic.

Yea, I was in the midst of putting everything on there with us, while in the meantime, was in a bit of an argument with her about things. Irony at its best.

Since, all I have been doing is post, post, post, and not express, express, express...I am going to do what I do best and that's tell it how it is...shit if I can't even post "nigga" and not block the last four letters (according to a hater), I must be doing something wrong, right?

Anyways, I guess a problem that has always plagued my relationship with "her", is my habit to be a blunt, straight-forward individual. That usually leads me to bringing up problems, complaints, or just anything that may not be worth mentioning at the wrong times and at the wrong places in time, which leads to me getting a shit load of silent treatments, cold stares, and responses that make any Lil' Wayne diss look like its "Ether".

But the fact of the matter is, is the way I am, is my personality normally a curse for those around me?

I guess I have used these experiences or in other words, our arguments, as testaments to why I feel I am always the blame for what goes wrong with my friends and family. A question she asked me last night, was "why do you hold on to so much guilt?"

It was a question that I could not answer right away and come to think of it, I don't even know if I can answer the question right now.

I don't like when I look in her face and tears are slowly descending from her eyes, rolling down her cheeks, knowing that I triggered those horrid emotions.

But I guess that I want everything to go so well in our relationship, that I worry too much, and perhaps I take it out on others' insecurities, because I have such a difficult time in dealing with mine. From the absence of my father in my life, to the environment I grew up in, to the ridicule I faced as a child and teenager, I pride myself to become a strong individual no matter what it took or what i sacrificed.

Without turning this into some long emo rant, in what it becomes anyways, she knows that I apologized since then, and that she is highly aware that I am TRYING DAMN HARD to understand her and her emotions. I just wish that she could be able to talk to me and open herself up to me without having to prolong the pain or drive me into a mental frenzy to the point where emotional destruction occurs in heartache, depression, and losing grip of everything around us.

These are things that I wish I could tell yall everyday, things I wish I could put into music more, or things I could discuss with my family, but these kind of things, I can only describe seeing her face to face. Where our eyes lock and our lips quiver, to the point where it could be too much but in the end it could be a major improvement in communication and our love.