LESS OF A MAN???

It's very rare that I post a blog such as this one, or a bit contradictory as to why I don't post more of these, but it's whatever. Lately, I have felt a bit...conflicted, more towards the issue that after 22 years of figuring it out, I truly...have no clue as to what it is that I really want to do with my life. Not to say, I don't in particular, I over the course of my life, have set up many different paths for me to take. The problem that I have is that usually I don't have a clear sure-fire set up as to how to go about my dreams, and I usually suffer, from letting everything run its course. I apply that to a lot of the obstacles that I now go through in my life, from school, to love, to music. It's to a point to where I guess I can say I do become envious, or if not jealous, due to the fact that many of my friends have got to where they are in life, and it isn't jealousy in a bad way, but more of feeling like...I want what they want and I wanna get it the right way. So that's what I want to do.

Especially with my music, I am at a point where there are so many of my peers that are doing REAL big things right now, from shows to collaborations, to damn near EVERYTHING...while with me doing almost the same, it somehow stays at a level where it doesn't progress or retrogress, it is just __________ like that. I'm just tired of wondering where I fit in, or having to make up an image, or to always care about what others decipher from the things that I say. I just NEED and HAVE to put myself out there in the light, if I eventually want to get shine. So, it's gonna be a journey for me.

School, is a different story. These last couple of years, I have been at a crossroads with school, with the same kind of complex. Wondering what am I doing here?, why am I here?, what do I plan to get out of the college experience? To this day, I still have no clue. But, I REALLY....REALLY...wanna put myself in a better position than I have in the last several years at UWM. Usually, there are so many unnecessary things outside of that, that get in the way (for some, not in a bad sense)that allow me to procrastinate or put it off for another day.....not anymore. Time to get focused. Time to be serious. Hopefully, I find the drive and motivation to find that solace in where I am right now because I seriously do not wanna be there forever.