ERASE THE PAST

Which is what I have been trying to do for months and months, almost a damn year, with one particular person.

Now when I had my blog "My Philosophy", it was normally intruded by my "lovely" ex-girlfriend. "Red-Head" I will call her to avoid any bullshit.

But back to "Red-Head".

Now, this is a girl, who cheated on me, with a FEMALE...slipped into a drug habit (ecstasy)...who is diagnosed bi-polar...and TOO dependable on bad influences...and yet, she comes to ME for comfort? Normally in the case of annoying phonecalls...and incoherent voice messages...surprised she ain't text me yet.

The be-all and-all was when she sent me an e-mail last week implying the following...

I am emailing you because of the obvious, your refusal to acknowledge my phone calls, and because I don't want to be intrusive. My intent is to clear the air and make a clean get away, so to speak. Sub-consciously I Sabotaged our relationship because I didn't think you were treating me the way I deserved to be treated. I want someone to share my life with, that means they don't cancel on Birthdays and sacrifice seeing their friends to be with me. Also I couldn't help but think your feelings were still mixed up with Adrianne, I was right. That really wasn't fair to me. I thought about leaving you but I never could do that, especially since I just wanted you to step up.I admit it wasn't rational but I didn't realize what I was doing, and I never felt that way before. I never had feelings for a woman, however brief, and I never had a real relationship. It wasn't really an adult relationship, but it was genuine.



Well.....if things weren't crazy enough....

There was a minute there when I thought a woman might be able to love me the way no man could. I was wrong, I don't think I could love a woman, and now I don't even love you.But I do care so much about you and I would like for us to be friends someday, finally.I know you don't want that so I am done making apologies, I regret what I did because it cost me your love and respect, but I can't keep apologizing. So from now on we don't know each other, that is until you can take the high road along with me and make peace. I cheated on you and I broke your heart, just don't forget you did the same. So that's it! I have erased what little history we have in order to make a clean start.


Now..."My Philosophy" is this. Shouldn't you practice what you preach???

In other words, as much as you say you are going to give me my space and let me be who I am, and allow me to do my own thing, without worrying about what kind of personal, emotionally crippling conflict you let yourself slip in....why do you still bother me in more ways than one?

If you're so intent on moving on...in knowing you don't love me anymore...why are you still SO dependent on me?

Mostly, my opinion, is that it is EXACTLY what it is. She has NO ONE.

But at the same time, she's two years older than me, she has a better job than I do, she is one of the most creative free spirits I have ever run across, but over the last year, or better yet...when Adrianne came into the picture...she became a bonafide, living and breathing train-wreck.

And I don't have time for it anymore.

I don't regret letting her go for someone that although lives far away from me, that can be a peeve sometime, that is in the words of Good Ol' J.R. "kookier than a petcoon"...has been THE biggest influence in my life over the last two to three years of my life.

And, Red-Head can be a nuisance all she wants...try to sneak her way back into my life anyway that she knows how....ill just make it my duty to slam the door in her face.


Amanda, Ima have you on speed-dial if she goes crazy.....