TRYING TO DEAL....

Okay, so it has been awhile since I had updated this son of a biatch...A lot has gone on during that time. Of course, the main highlight is the breakup between me and Adrianne. During the course of the last few days, I have done everything to deal. From hanging with friends, to going out on my own, to just flat out being alone. From the start, I began to move on and begin a new chapter in my life, which started today, as I began writing and recording for the next volume of Written In Blood. The first song I wrote was called "Winter of the Heart". The song is basically describing a small part of what happened in our relationship and my feelings towards trying to deal with the situation while trying to move on, yet at the same time recognizing how she is feeling and how much it kills that I had to do this.

Do I feel a little hurt due to the fact that she decided to call our relationship "a prison", yea, I mean who wouldn't take offense to that. It makes me begin to believe that she felt that she was trapped or that she feels she is better off without me in her life. Especially with the idea that she believes it would be easier if I had cheated on her or that she did something wrong to me. Honestly, what the fuck would that prove? That the pain would be easier to deal had I done something wrong? So, that the fact that her friends and her family having the idea that I am a "loser" would be justified in some twisted type of fashion?

I understand the anger, but come on, is it saying that the 2-3 years we been friends and lovers meant absolutely nothing? I know I hurt her and I know that maybe in her mind, breaking up with her was the easy way out of my issues, but I told her my reasons, I regret that it had to come to this, and I am trying to make things right between the both of us, but I am NOT going to continue beating myself up about the whole situation.

Was calling her the wrong thing to do? there is no yes/no answer. But I just miss hearing her voice. I miss being able to talk to her about anything and everything, but at the same time, I can't condone feeling like I am the enemy for this entire ordeal. I was simply being honest and true to what I felt and believed. I just hate that it cost us both each other's support and company in the process.

Times like these...where....you just wanna die.....